Epilogue- Back to life, Back to reality

I’ve been home for barely a week, but it already feels like it's been much longer. Bolivia almost seems like it was a dream now...
I thought the ‘culture shock’ would be worse than it has been- so far I’ve only had a couple of shocking experiences and only a few breakdowns. I thought it would be seeing McDonalds and Starbucks again that would get to me, or even just seeing downtown Toronto again with its skyscrapers, ritzy hotels and exclusive restaurants, but that stuff hasn’t actually phased me that much. Instead, what I’ve been most struck by are the smaller, subtler lifestyle differences.

Toronto / Sucre

Opening my closet to unpack, I saw piles of clothing that I had totally forgotten about while I was away. Living out of two suitcases in Bolivia, I had convinced myself that I led a pretty humble and reasonable existence, but seeing an entire wardrobe that I will probably never wear again and that I will give away next month when I move out, reminded me of how differently I really do live here.

Another thing that got to me was remembering how cold and abrasive people can be here. Earlier this week when I was downtown running some errands- picking up things for my Mom, buying a CD for my friend's birthday- I was completely appalled by the way I was treated. Maybe Bolivia turned me into a softie or maybe Torontonians have just become meaner, but I can’t help but notice how harsh people are with one another here. The store personnel appeared to be almost offended when I asked them to help me find a CD. Granted, I was in an indie CD store run by the ultimate hipsters so I guess it was my fault for disturbing their 'scene', but still… stop combing your emo bangs into your eyes, put down your Vice magazine, and communicate with me damn it! (Sorry… obviously I didn't lose my irrational streak of North American rage down there...)
It’s just that in Sucre I became accustomed to walking down the street and saying ¡Buen Día! to anyone I passed, and I got used to greeting people with a kiss on the cheek. Obviously I am not going to walk down the streets of Toronto saying Good Day! to strangers, but if I am speaking to a person, especially in customer service, I expect them to at least acknowledge my existence. I just feel like everyone here is in fast forward and has no time for anyone other than themselves.

Mostly what I’ve been thinking about since I’ve been back is this conversation I had with my coworker Jorge back in Sucre. At the time it didn’t have a huge impact on me, but walking around downtown the other day I was reminded of it and now I can’t get it out my head.
Jorge and I shared an office and one day he started asking me all sorts of questions about Canada. Mainly about what our houses were like, how much things cost and how much money people made, but then he asked me: Are there homeless people in Canada? To which I responded: Yes! Almost as though I was proud to say that Canada isn’t perfect and that we too have inequality and suffering. Jorge then asked me: Why? I paused for a while, and then quietly mumbled: I don’t know… And that was the end of the conversation.

Since I’ve been home walking the streets of Toronto and remembering the wealth and luxury that exists here, a sort of prosperity you would never see in any part of Bolivia, Jorge’s simple question: why? keeps popping into my head. I still don’t have an answer for him and I don’t think anyone really does, but that's because it's a very good question. During my conversation with Jorge I was practically boasting about the fact that Canada has homeless people because I wanted to make it seem as though our situations were comparable, but now I am just ashamed. I am embarrassed that these problems exist, but I think more than anything I'm just confused. And I disagree with the argument that the planet is simply over populated and therefore incapable of supporting this amount of humans. I believe that there is truly just a distribution problem. If the latter were really the case, then why does the Miami airport have competing doggie cafes that sell aromatherapy candles for dogs? Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs and believe that they should be treated with care, but the fact that there is actually a market for candles made specifically for dogs horrifies me.

Don’t worry, my time in Bolivia hasn’t made me more cynical (I think I was already at the limit) and it hasn’t turned me into a ‘hater’ either. I think it just made me less apathetic. I used to rationalize issues like homelessness in my head somehow and just sort of turn a blind eye to it. Now, I am unable to ignore it and find myself fascinated by the way we are able to live guilt-free in a society that permits such inequality- myself included. Sadly, I haven’t come up with an action plan to combat the aloof attitude we North Americans have towards our own social problems, but it’s funny how working abroad really just made me more aware of the problems we have right here at home.

That's all folks.

Thanks to those of you who took the time to read my rantings. I wish I had something more profound to say at the end of such an unforgettable life experience, but I think it is something that I will be trying to make sense of for years to come.